Even more than kids's temper tantrums, I can't stand when parents get all in a tizzy in response to their kids' meltdowns, power struggles, or tantrums. And I really can't stand when that parent is me. We all have moments of engaging in a negative cycle or a power struggle with our kids, Or having a parental temper tantrum. This is a great tool to avoid all that. We all have moments of engaging in a negative cycle or a power struggle with our kids, Or having a parental temper tantrum. This is a great tool to avoid all that. Stay in your place of positive power, and calm + confident leadership to bypass all the craziness, model cooperation, and get things done in a positive way in your home. How? This is a huge one, parents. It's way too easy to get swirled into our children's behavior, and engage in reactive power struggles that never, ever have a positive outcome. Here's what Positive Discipline says you can do instead: 1) Plan what you will do and notify in advance (Kindly without any meanness, but in a way so your children know you're going to stand by what you're saying because it's in the best interest of the family.) For example: "I will help with homework right after school or right after dinner, but not at the the last minute." "When the toys are put away, then we'll leave for the park." 2) Follow through on your plan with kindness and firmness. My 2 cents on using this tool: * Accept that tears and upset may be part of the process- so schedule when you have the time and energy to be neutral, present, and affirm hard emotions without getting all reactive. * When (and only when) everyone is calm, you can talk about what everyone could do differently next time. Your child may want to ask for the way they want to be reminded. You may want to set a limit on how many times you'll remind. This is time to talk it in a respectful, kind, "we're all this together" sort of way. Because you are in this together! Think coaching session or inspiring business meeting. Listen, share, and develop a plan that works best for your fam. * The point in using this tool is to step proudly into your leadership role, and do what you need to do in the best interest of the family-- without threatening or bribing and without engaging in those nasty power struggles. No mean dictator allowed. We may fall back on that way of parenting, but it doesn't fly for kids today nor for what we now about the human brain. Think Mandela or Gandi, not Hitler--- and I'm serious when I say that. * Waiting is often the name of the game here. You may need to use this tool a few times to create a new pattern for your children, and testing may be part of the process. It's like your children are waiting for you to threaten, yell, bribe and then give in. So don't threaten yell, bribe, or give in. Be strong in what you have decided. Wait patiently, as needed. The goal is to have your children join in to your calm + confident lead. Questions? Ideas to share? Did you try this tool and it went amazingly or failed miserably? Head over here and share a-way. You got this, Megan p.s. This is a Positive Discipline tool from their 52 Parenting Tool Cards, with my 2 cents added in at the end. Get your deck here.
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Lately, I've been taking my inspiration from jumping.
Yes, the art of jumping. Jumping as stress release. Jumping as connection with your kids. Jumping's fun. I'm always on the lookout for that double bonus of getting some movement or exercise in and doing something fun with my son and our circle of kid friends. The double bonus. Where multi-tasking becomes magic. Just being. Enjoying and loving life. And the moment. When we get to laugh and play, and strengthen my core too. Jumping has been it lately. We made a couple visits to friends' houses with trampolines. And went to a birthday party at one of those jump places. Jumping til you can't jump no more. Usually for me because I have to pee. (Any other vaginally-birthing mamas with this problem, I highly recommend you go see Tami Kent.) Go pee, then jump a little more. Part of the magic of the jump is... that moment of exhilaration of being off the ground in the air place of freedom of defying gravity somehow beyond the physical plane but all together in it at the same time moments I long for these days magical place between me and my gold between end of summer and beginning of fall between the sky and the ground finding common ground between grown-ups and kids just jump go ahead and jump and this week, if it's not jumping for you find your own place between the heavens and the earth that place of connection with you & your children and go hang out there even if it's just for a second because a second of magic is all you need With love, Megan Have you ever slept with a text book under your pillow the night before an exam? Learning by osmosis. Let's talk about parenting by osmosis. It's kind of the same, but kind of different --- and much more effective. It goes like this. I have some mama friends who are so CLEAR + ASSERTIVE with their children. They send that message of LOVE with JUST DO IT. And their children, just do it. No power struggles. Minimal whining. When I'm around them, I consciously soak up the way these moms are. So I can access it in my own way, when I need it. Their simple power imprints on my life. I take their strengths, and make them my own. To change, and grow for the better. THIS is what parenting,
and life, are all about. It's the way we're designed to grow, develop, and heal as parents and as people --- from one another. Individual strengths maximized for the collective good of parents, everywhere. This week, in your community and in your life, --- Look for the people you can learn from by osmosis. Your friends, family members, your children's teachers, the mama at the grocery store. Parents who've got it going on in simple, yet profound ways. Then utilize your conscious mind to soak up + positively imprint their strengths. So you grow, learn, develop, and heal from the power of other parents around you. Parenting by Osmosis. It's what parenting, and life are all about. We're designed to uplift one another. You got this. All the best, Megan p.s. Parents in my classes and coaching programs often tell me they hear my voice in their head when they're speaking to their children (makes me teary every time). We're in this together. The power of parenting and our community! Want to get my voice in your head this Fall? :) Click here to get in on a Fall coaching session. And regular registration will open up soon to join my online program beginning in October. don't get me wrong
i love pumpkins crisp air red leaves the smell of applesauce & cinnamon cooking on the stove my mom loved fall was her favorite time of year the season has its beauty a regalness an elegance that builds on summer in fall i celebrate her a sunny fall day has the best light for pictures trips to the pumpkin patch i love the earlier nights so my son gets a full 11 hours of sleep boots cozy sweaters yeah, fall is cool but i'm not gonna lie summer is my fav i cry a little inside when we're back to school heat waves are over my glow from within doesn't shine as bright i used the dryer today for the first time today in months first day i wore boots since last spring you can tell who the real oregonians are by birth or by heart those people relieved for rain and gloom not me but i'm happy the plants are happy for rain my love of the sun long days of light heat some of it is my mediterranean constitution some of it is that i've had enough gloom in my life i know what it's like gloom same reason i don't like horror movies i know scary i know evil i don't like to hang out there i don't play around with the depths of humanity fall reminds me of that a mourning of sorts reality check that we can't shine all the time a reminder to go inward to make hearth and home find peace within i imagine i'm not the only person growing up in an abusive home who's still a little scared of the dark who prefers longs days of sunlight being out of the house outdoors in nature free from oppression shining bright in the summer sun fall reminds there is always more peace to be found to make my life my home a cozy place for myself that my sun shines within more like a fireplace now this fall in particular a poignant one racial injustice global oppression breaking free from oppression withing as i push to birth my gold fall like my life the sweetness the depth the integration of the whole the picture of the whole of the seasons of my childhood of racial oppression injustices everywhere all real some too real fall reminds me to honor the depth the sad wisdom from oppression the eternal longing to be free triumph of the human spirit to find peace in the injustice of some children's homes and systemic racism but maybe i got that all wrong there's no peace in injustice only peace in justice the work towards justice freedom for all fall reminds me of my deepest longings freedom for all pumpkin spice too my mom's birthday and that summer will return the next roll of the year justice too for all the world's children i hope Then you're in the right place!
This positive parenting community is the most conscious, supportive parenting community in the world. We want the best for ourselves, and our children. We bring out the best in one another. We believe in the power of parenting. We want to change the way we were raised. and... We yell, lose it, freak out, worry, feel hopeless... But keep going. For as much as you struggle, you are that strong. And stronger. What's missing in the world today is proper support for parents. To accentuate all your strengths and your inner wisdom. So your challenges help you grow, not take you down. And you have the skills to transform your real-life parenting challenges into Connection + Cooperation (which makes life as a parent so much easier.) Parenting for the Next Generation Online begins October 17th! Get on the wait list to hear when registration open and any early bird specials begin. These are positive parenting tools you will use every.single.day.of.your.life for the next 18 + years. And community support to help you thrive in parenting, and in life. Unlock your parenting POWER and Create a foundation for your family you LOVE. Click here for more info. Here's to Stellar You this Fall- and beyond! By now we're all Back to School. I've started to get a few emails from parents asking for support about school transitions. Here's some Back to School Foundation ideas for smooth sailing all year long. (If you homeschool, or have little ones still at home, these foundations are for you too.) Let's start with a little quiz! (Hey, if the kids have to do it...) What is the #1 most important requirement for your child to be able to excel academically and socially at school this year? Guesses? Children need to feel good about themselves at school. (Or at home, if you homeschool). Children should, for the most part, be relaxed at school. They should feel like they can be themselves, and that their teachers likes them. Now let's be honest. Life is stressful, and school can be too at times. But if your child truly protests about going to school, seems upset or nervous when they're there, is being bullied, or if you observe that the teacher is not emotionally-attuned to them --- your child will have a hard time learning. And any academic learning that does happen may be at a cost to their emotionally well-being and learning. Children deserve to feel good at school. What to do if your child is stressed about school? * Talk to the teacher, right away. * Seek out the guidance counselor. * If neither of these people are helpful, look for the person at school who your child feels most connected to--- and talk to them. * Seeking out a counselor, who is up-to-date on the latest brain science. * Contact me to learn more about my Back to School Support Packages. Let's eat! Growing bodies and brains need high-quality food. This is another non-negotiable. I worry when children eat boxed cereal for breakfast, eat all their snack food at school, and only take two bites out of their sandwich or other main entree for lunch. Then they come from school, or are in aftercare, and have goldfish and those fruit juicy snacks for an after school snack. Now it's 5 or 6 pm, and these kids haven't had a real meal all day. Growing bodies and brains need high-quality food. What can you do? * Serve breakfast for dinner. Left-over dinner from the night before is easiest. Chicken, fish, hot dogs with broccoli and rice or quiona are common breakfasts in our house. Other families serve breakfast burritos. I know it can be busy in the morning, and your child may not have the palate for left-over dinner first thing in the am. * If that is the case, think high protein however you can get it. Growing brains need protein. Other ideas? * Ask the teacher or lunchroom person to do a check-in with your child about their lunch. These adults can offer Encouragement (no forcing!) to try, eat, or finish their main lunch entree. * Saving snack food for after your child eats the the main entree is another idea. * Serve a high-protein, meal-like after school snack. Do what works best for your family. If the family sit down dinner when everyone gets home from school/work is important in your family, wonderful. But do feed your child substantial nourishment right after school, if you know they're not eating much of their lunch at school. Quality Time with you I know life can get crazy hectic. But quality time with you is sssssooo important. Families are way over-scheduled these days. But quality time with you is even more important than extra-curricular activities. Quality Time with you is essential to your child's academic and social success, as well as their emotional health. So schedule in 10 minutes of child-led quality time activities everyday (or 30 minutes weekly for older children) to fill up your children's emotional cups. This is a top priority, and can be hard to make happen. Click here for a Positive Discipline article about Quality Time with kids, and this one about Spending Quality Time with teens. There's my Top 3 Back to School Foundations for a happy and healthy school year. What are your top Back to School Foundations? Leave a comment below. I was driving down the road.
Listening to a recording of a "law of attraction" person. I wanted I could chuck it out the window. So much for attraction. My stress levels were through the roof. I was on my way to go deal with a really triggering situation. I was exhausted. When people are experiencing the most pain, this law of attraction stuff can sometimes make matters worse. Life is as hard, as it is beautiful. The struggle is real. It's how we grow. On a good day, I can align with my positive self to attract the best in the world. And yes, I probably could use to do that more often. But on a hard day, when I'm stressed, and dealing with emotions I felt as a kid, I want to chuck Law of Attraction out the window. Why? Because during those really hard times of life, I'm not in an optimal state. The brain is either in: a thriving state or a surviving state. The optimal state of thriving is when we can learn and love, often effortlessly. When we feel good in our skin and trust in ourselves and the world around us. From a brain science perspective, this is "safety." It's when we're connected to our highest selves as people, our place of empathy, problem-solving, and sense of humor. This is an awesome place to live. We can deal with life. We see the best in one another. We feel a sense of being ok from within. Driving down the road that day, I was not in that place. I was in survival mode, in the lower centers of my brain. I was in that fight-flight mode, and I seemed to be going back and forth between the two. Law of Attraction was making it even worse. Because my negativity was real in that moment, and had to be dealt with. I couldn't just "think happy thoughts." So, what did I do? I took some breaths. Felt the sun shinning in through the window. Switched to some hip hop. Shook my head, and then sent some love to all those Law of Attraction people. I honored where I was in this moment. The harshness. The horrible feelings. Rather crazed. The absolute stress, once again. It wasn't all lovey-dovey. But I honored the choice. And opened the door to moving forward through this stressful time. I saw what I was dealing with. Gave it a "let's do this" nod. Even if I was so.sick.of.being.in.this.situation and wondering how.did.this.happen.again? I posed the question, "what would help me most right now?" And I saw it. The hole. This hole. That's keeps me bound. I'm been climbing my way out for a long time. But suddenly, there were gold steps going up the side of the hole. I saw them in my mind. Step by step, I was getting out. And with the gold, I could enjoy each step of the way. Even if it was still crazy stressful. Knowing one day, I'd be out. And until then, there was gold to enjoy. That moment in the car, everything shifted from within. Even if nothing changed on the outside. I could deal. Feel strong. I was ready. I'd given my survival mind the help it needed to get me to my thriving place. So I could deal with life, even if it wasn't perfect. *** We all struggle. Especially those of us with a history of child abuse. You didn't do anything wrong if you're struggling. It's not your fault--- it's not even about that. If you are in survival mode, focusing on being happy may help. Sometimes. Or it may make you feel more angry or sad. Most of us experience our survival mode, and our thriving mode, throughout the course of our lives. If you feel like your survival mode is taking over your day, or your life --- be gentle with yourself. You've been through a lot. Honor your struggle. It's real. Give your nod to it, in your own way. This next part may take time and practice. You may need extra help or support. Align with that part of you that yearns for more. The freedom from struggles overcome. That baby step to move you forward. To the connection to your highest self. Thriving mode. And whatever it may be for you, look for your step of gold. Your bridge of gold to help you get out of the hole, and move forward into the positive. You got this, Megan this is it the end of summer 2016 school starts for us next week even tho i look forward to work days again where i'm not juggling 7 year old playdates and sumer fun with deadlines i'll miss us both being home i'm always sad to see summer go summer has been my fav since i was a kid so this weekend i dedicated to all things slowing down the end of summer magic 2016 and putting the summer magic principles into action to being in the moment loving my son's smile listening with a full heart to his science stories being in awe and amazement of this little guy i love so much to jumping on trampolines visiting family and farmer's markets taking the time to answer all his questions: "which animal is cutest in this picture?" and shopping in the bulk section: licorice sticks! little joyful moments of simple beauty and connection Whether you're already back to school, you home school, you've got preschoolers or babies, or you're back to school this week..... Consciously take time to slow down this weekend, look around, and simply enjoy life around you. Even just a min.... to love your children's smiles, to really listen to what they're saying, to feel the sun and the harvest.... To slow it down, way down and enjoy. This weekend, when you feel life speeding up, pretend like you have a remote control to your life in your pocket. And press Slow down and enjoy Until you feel it. Enjoy your life: it's your harvest. And slowing down to enjoy this weekend is the best way to honor your summer and welcome your fall. You got this. All the best, Megan |
Mama Megan
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family! Archives
May 2021
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