Angie, a sweet high school friend, shares her story of an after school-to-evening day in the life with her two kiddos. What I remember most about Angie from back in the day was her infectious sense of humor, and the zaniest funny faces she'd make walking down the hall between classes (for an example, see her son, photo below). Teacher and single mom, Angie writes from the heart about a random Monday. I love the real-ness and how Angie brings awareness to all the little moments of a day that make our lives...Lots of love, Angie and thanks for inspiring us to celebrate our moments, big & small, hard & easy as all part of the parenting journey. I teach all day, they learn. That is all of our jobs; meaning, we all work full time. After school is always hectic. My well behaved children at school let loose once they get home. I am cleaning breakfast dishes and scattering the piles of simply “stuff” from the day before while trying to make dinner and get the ball rolling for the evenings routine, or sometimes, lack there of. I raise them predominantly by myself. Their father lives an hour and a half away and they see him every other weekend...but that is a different story. As I race the clock to attend to the tasks at hand, Elias rushes in, “I came out of your vagine-is?” I promptly tell him no and show him my c-section scar. I’d prefer at this point that he assumes all babies come from a mama’s belly. Trust me, it is better this way. Otherwise he would wander the world questioning the great vagina and who came out of who and well, I am not ready for that!!..... Right or wrong. We eat, clean up, I fold laundry and then prepare the next load since they basically rolled in the mud after school. Was I moderately perturbed with the extra load of laundry? Sure. I’d be lying if I said I was not, and I also made a point to let both children know that I would have preferred to have one less load this evening. Alas, I smiled, and got on with it. Moments later Charlotte wanted to try some nail polish trick she saw on you-tube. I obliged and it was basically one of those "pinterest fails” kind of messes, but we laughed and I tenderly removed the shit-ton of goop I left on her fingers and we went with a plain blue polish application. Homework was done, sweeping accomplished, and the living room disaster remained. We settled into a relaxing mode and all was balanced and well. Then it was time to brush teeth. Someone looked at someone wrong, someone bumped something, someone was gross, someone smelled funny, the boy pushes the girl, she smashes into a picture frame. Broken glass on the floor. Second one in a month or so. Expensive? No and not the point. I throw a tantrum and I quickly become aware that it is that bigger lingering need to find order to the chaos that is infinitely us. This happens a lot when big mama gets stressed. Moms and dads know exactly what this naughty behavior looks like. For me, my sailor-esque mouth gets the best of me. Recently I told Charlotte, with Elias close at hand, “a lady doesn’t burp, fart, or use foul language.” They heartily laughed at the irony that is, well, me. I behave badly. Something all parents hate to do, yet I do not ultimately choose to apologize for it….yet. We have a sit down after ill spoken words and a couple of tears and come up with what needs to be done. The tension not quite released, nor the guilt and “shame on you” kind of feeling we all were feeling for our own deeds. Then a low guttural growl. My fifteen year old cat had stepped out this evening after a winter full of hibernating on my bed. We all jump up and got to the front door where the noise is coming from. I assume that fat kitty is chilly with the evening breeze and his ten minutes or so had exhausted him. I flip the light switch and there is this teenage black cat, which looks exactly like mine, but younger, with a teeny patch of white on its neck. Immediately, the three of us are cooing and tsk-ing with adoration at the pretty little kitty on the porch (mind you, my poor ol' cat is most definitely fuming at our betrayal by now) but we just watch. Slowly, stealthily in our bare feet, we make our way out the door to pet the sleek little minx. Charlotte gets the kitty food, Elias some water, and I continue to croon. We sit together for mere minutes, in silence, watching this stray cat. I break the connection since it is now past bedtime. I snuggle them in, lay out my smooches and remind them that tomorrow we will try a little harder to work as a team. Parenting truly is not perfect, neither are families, and neither are the very big or very small moments. But they are OUR moments. From the Heart parenting stories feature real families, real struggles, real wisdom.
Like a family portrait or trophy, the stories highlight the beauty & strength that is your family. Be proud of who you are. Tell your story. Do you have a family story you'd like to share? Contact Megan at [email protected] for more info.
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I met Kim and her family last summer at our Positive PlayTime community in Central New York. Excited that a mom of four- automatic wisdom status in my book- was joining our group, I was also wondering how we could best accommodate 4 more little ones. When I told everyone about a new mom with 4 children that would be joining us they said, "Oh is it Kim? She has the most well-behaved children ever." The next week, in walks Kim with four babies at her side. They were well-behaved, but more than that. Peaceful, angelic little people. I am sure they have their moments, but sweet-spirited souls was every single one of her 4 children under age 4. Kim's energy was nurturing and calm, with a glow about her. She was centered in her life, and her children. Her peace of heart was reflected back in her little ones. She'd be the one, with her children, helping clean up after class. Aware, kind-hearted, and service-orientated, Kim embodies the essence of a Christian woman. I knew Kim had a story in her to help others. Here is our Facebook chat from last summer. Megan: What made you say yes to this blog interview? Kimberly: What made me say yes was that I didn't have the best up-bringing. Even if I could help just one other mother know she is not alone in her struggles. To let moms know they are supported in becoming better mothers and women, then I have accomplished something and my story was worth it. I truly believe that as women we tend to think we have to do everything ourselves, or else we are failures. It takes humbling to realize that it's ok to not struggle alone. Megan: Supporting one another as women is our greatest power. Let's say you happen to run into one of these moms, a mom that had it rough as a kid, and is doing her best to do it differently. What would you say to her? Kimberly: I would tell her: You are strong! You are capable! Do not let the past dictate your future. Look at the things you had to go through. Realize that you have grown from them. You can be the mother you didn't have. You are the one person your child can truly rely on. Trust yourself.... It's ok to not know all of the answers now. Just keep seeking ways to grow and learn. Your child will see the strength you have and want to be more like you. Remind your child that you are learning too. When you make a mistake, learn from it. Don't let your past hold you back from becoming the mother you want to be. YOU are STRONG! Megan: Beautiful, inspiring, and true. Did you always know this truth within yourself? Or did it take time to get to this place of wisdom? Kimberly: I grew up with an incredibly abusive father. My mother tried, but she was stretched so thin having 7 kids in 9 years. I NEVER felt validated growing up. It took years of pursuing my own dreams of becoming a mother that I realized, I can not change my past. But I can make sure I am not that kind of parent. I always knew I wasn't going to let people be proven right and that I WAS worth more. I always knew I had a Heavenly Father who knew my worth and I was going to make him proud. It took 6 years into my marriage, with the support of my amazing husband, for my own insecurities to be pushed aside. To help me realize the worth I have as a mom. I am grateful for so many wonderful people in my life who I have been able to help along my own path of self discovery. Megan: It is a journey, isn't it? Someone told me: however bad it was, well that much goodness is there for us now. I love that. Kimberly: Very much so. Its an every day thing. My husband grew up in an emotionally abusive family, so we were able to talk about the things we don't want for our family, and take the good things & implement them. Megan: Sounds like you two have a wonderfully supportive relationship that transcends the reality of your childhoods. I LOVE hearing when this happens because unfortunately most of with abusive childhoods tend to repeat our early wiring because it's what we know. Dysfunction become a pattern. Kimberly: I really am blessed to have him as my husband and the father of my children. One of the main things that first attracted me to him was I saw him with a little baby and how tender & gentle he was......... It made me chase him for 4 months before he finally would go on a date with me. Megan: And you two of you get to change the realities of your own children! So tell me a little bit more of coming to peace with your past. Are there specific events or aha moments that stick out in your mind? Kimberly: I think its so important when our children are young that they have a firm foundation of love and trust in their lives. When my oldest came up to me and said she was sad because mommy yelled; it broke my heart. I had to change. I was NOT going to have her remember me as a yelling mom. Megan: It is amazing how empowered these little people are. They know people are to be treated respectfully. The cycle is changing, our children have a voice. And you have played a big role in her feel confident & secure to speak her voice. This is the gift of a strong parent-child relationship: both parents & children growing together. With 4 children and one on the way, how do you stay centered throughout the day? Or do you just let yourself go with it all? Kimberly: My father was very physically and emotionally abusive. I was the third oldest in the 7 children, and my sister right above me was physically abused the worse. I remember as a very small child that I didn't feel love or happiness. l was just scared all of the time. I am by nature a peace maker and every day there was a fight going on. I thought that yelling, demanding, and having things your way was the only way to communicate. I think my a-ha moment was when Jason and I were first married. We had been trying unsuccessfully for 18 months to have a child and I was not the nicest person to be around. I was very " my way or no way" and we got into a big fight. Now when I say fight, I was the one screaming. He has NEVER raised his voice with me. Something I love dearly about him. I started to pack my bag and was going to leave when he broke down and started to cry. At that moment right there I KNEW I needed to change. I could not be the person I was raised with. I would NOT be the perpetrator in the cycle of violence. And slowly & surely, and through lots of patience and humbling on both of our parts, we have been able to come to the marriage with equal respect and admiration for each other. Now I am grateful we were unable to have children until 3.5 years into our marriage. I needed to learn to be a better me, before I could be a better mom. I think it's so important to keep working on yourself even after you are a mom. You can't just wear the Mom hat all of the time. That is not your only identity. Megan: It is wonderful you had time before children to work on yourselves & build a strong relationship. As moms, it is essential to continue developing who we are as women after we have children. You had that defining moment that was purely transformative. What happens after that moment? How does one stay committed to personal change when things get tough and it's easy to fall back into old patterns? How do you make the time to work on yourself and your own identity within the daily demands of 4 young children? Kimberly: How do I stay centered?? Sane?? Well some days are better then others. I try to stick to a rough schedule. My kids like routines and to know what comes next. It makes life easier that way. But I am not a typical Type A personality. I like flexibility and spontaneity. I try to have in my mind what the next day is going to bring. I usually let the kids have as much choice as possible. I let them choose their outfits. (Or if we are going some where they choose between two choices I am fine with). They have family responsibilities like cleaning up their own messes and making their beds. We try to have some kind of physical exercise every day, and school time as well. One thing that REALLY helps keep me centered is quiet time. Its a mandatory 1.5 hours of relax time. They don't need to nap but they do need to rest. I have taught them from very early on that rest helps their bodies grow big and strong just like eating their veggies and exercising. Speaking of exercising, we like to do 10 mins of yoga together. It's not an every day thing but when I am feeling extra stressed I say, "Ok yoga time," and they all follow along. Even the baby gets a kick out of it. Megan: Sounds lovely! That sense of community of a large family is so beautiful, like a little school house. And I imagine there are good days when everyone is inspiring one another, and days that are more challenging. What do you do yourself? Simple, doable things that other moms could easily try out? Kimberly: Yoga ...I wasn't a believer in it but once I tried it, it was hooked. I don't go to a studio, I just do some deep cleaning breaths in my house. I also try to do service as much as possible. I know for other moms it might stress them out, but I LOVE to serve those around me. So I get the kids involved with making a dinner for a family in need or just a simple note to mail to someone. I love to craft as well. Now this is very difficult to do with 4 small children, but I allow myself to do something crafty when they have their craft time. I also have a garden. I spend 5-10 mins every day just walking through my garden and picking the fresh veggies. I also mow the lawn. It's something that needs to be done, but its time when I have to myself... Also, Girls Night! It doesn't happen as often as I would like but I LOVE being able to just have adult interaction. I am not just a mom, I am a wife, I am a friend, I am a daughter, I am a crafter, I am a reader, I am a bubble bath lover. I am finding joy in getting to learn my own unique qualities and gifts. I think so much of the time woman feel selfish doing things for themselves but in reality you can't be the best mom with out being the best you. Megan: Thank you, Kim for inspiring us with your passion for creating the life we deserve. All the best and so much love to your soon-to-be family of seven! From the Heart parenting stories feature real families, real struggles, real wisdom. Like a family portrait or trophy, the stories highlight the beauty & strength that is your family. Be proud of who you are. Tell your story. Do you have a family story you'd like to share? Contact Megan at [email protected] for more info. (Written with Erin Morris) After our first date, I called my friend and said, "Guess who I went out with?" "And I’m going to marry him,” Erin shared with me as we giggled through the grocery store. Women’s intuition. Love to see it in my friends. 10 years and 3 boys later, Erin & Scott are one of my favorite couples. They are doing it. Careers, family, and they still laugh. They’re real. Life isn’t perfect and yet they have a foundation of love. Their well is deep. Erin and I have been friends since junior high. We first me in 3rd grade. Early dismissal on Thursday afternoons for those of us Catholics, and religious education classes at Our Lady of Lourdes. Spending time with Erin and her family has been one of the many silver linings of being back in my hometown last year to help my mom on her journey with cancer. Going to the Morris house is the equivalent of going to an amusement park for my son. And for me it’s solace, laughter, an old friend, & a loving family home. Back at the Morris house, the boys are running circles. We could barely hear each other. “It’s all about controlled chaos,” Erin gives me with a grin. “That’s life. Getting through each day.” Yup. Love this lady. She’s got her mom’s balance of wisdom & hilariousness that's both comforting & inspiring. As Scott, Erin & I talk parenting in the other room, I see one of our children’s butts flash by. Our boys are mooning each other. “We do laugh,” Scott or Erin said. “Sometimes we just look at each other. This is what we signed up for?” Parenting just seems to come natural to Erin and Scott. They take most of their children’s antics and challenging behavior in stride. They support their children in who they are. Like Morris boy #2 who has inherited his father's sense of humor and love of sports, here with his latest scientific interest. Knowing about their own parents, I talk a bit about the concept of “good enough parents.” The scientific research says we don’t need to be perfect parents. In fact, it’s not possible. But when we’re good enough parents, our children feel safe with us and they trust us. We become a secure base for our children to be who they are here to be and to go out and explore the world—whether it be the playground, college, or across the globe. People who had “good enough parents," tend to be good enough parents themselves. For Scott’s parents, spending time with the family was always a #1 priority. The kids’ toys were always around the house, in action. Not tucked away in some upstairs room. Scott’s parents sent the message that their children were important, and a joy. Family is important. Erin echoed Scott’s comments about her family as well. Erin said she always wanted to be a mom. To have kids. A big family. Lots of cousins. Erin & Scott both got the message early on that family is good stuff. No questions asked. “I’m a screamer,” Erin says. They’re real this family. “You’re relaxed when other people are around,” Scott says lightheartedly. “Always in the back of my mind are all the household chores,” Erin acknowledges. It’s not like Erin & Scott are free from all the responsibilities that come with a family of five. They don’t have a cleaning service. With 3 boys under age 9 in their home, Scott acknowledges that they often do a trade-off. One person might wash the dishes, the other person watches the kids. As for, sibling rivalry. These parents have got it down. There’s no favorites. No one gets picked on by the parents. No “perfect child.” No “bad kid.” Erin & Scott are setting their children up to be allies. Life-long friends. “They all get their fair share,” they note. Scott breaks it down for us. “We really hold them all accountable.” If parenting came with a formula, this would be one. More parenting wisdom ala Scott & Erin. From Scott: * Allow them to be themselves. * Support them. Nurture what they love. *When they’re wrong, call them out on it. Inspiring to see a hands-on dad who is a great role model for his boys. And who captures his love for his family in ink. Erin elaborates on how to reach and best support children who are unique individuals. She is gifted in supporting the unique gifts of each of her boys. As children today are often over-scheduled, this advice is price-less: 1) Expose kids to everything. 2) If they show interest or talent, support that. 3) Allow them to follow their hearts. 4) Even if society doesn’t deem their interest “appropriate,” follow #2 and #3. 5) Don’t force children to do any sports or activity if they don’t want to. Let's talk about the kids' interests. In a house of three boys, on the floor there's a mix of toys. Wrestlers, Legos, Barbie's, ipods, ballet shoes, camouflage, and nutcrackers, representing the favorite past-times. The Morris boys are exposed to a wide variety of cultural and extracurricular activities. Erin is a dancer, so the kids had early exposure to dance and theater. Scott is an athlete. He would take all the boys to various games in the community, be it baseball, football, or basketball. For example, the whole family goes to see the Nutcracker each year. Matt & Brett love the magic, and Sean, a dancer himself, enjoys every aspect of the performance, from the costumes, to the backstage workings, the choreography, and the beautiful ballerinas. Pure talent and joy is this eldest Morris boy. And they all love wrestling, including Erin. Last spring, the Morris Family went to see the cultural testosterone fest of WWE Monday Night RAW. Some Morris boys dream to be WWE superstars, while another dreams to be on the performance stage. Sweetest wrestler I ever did meet, the littlest brother. The Morris boys are as different from one another as they come. Parenting children with such extreme differences in interests, especially some that may fall outside society's gender expectations, has its challenges. But the Morris Family just likes to keep as simple as can be. Three children. Three diverse interests. Two have interests inside society's gender expectations, and one does not. Each child is encouraged to do what they love and be who they are. In their house, John Cena may be seen dancing with Barbie. It's likely you'll be witness to a live wrestling match and dance performance, possibly back-to-back. The Morris House is always an exciting place to visit- and to live! Do you have a story to share about your family? Would love to feature your story in "From the Heart" family stories. Contact Megan at [email protected] for more info. |
Mama Megan
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family! Archives
May 2021
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