Sibling rivalry and arguing kids
can ruin your quality of life as a parent. I'm going to share one simple Positive Discipline strategy to set you free. As a parent, you're not a judge or a cop. Your job is NOT to determine who is "right." The vast majority of the time, it doesn't matter who is right and even if it does, it's not your job to prove innocence or guilt in your kids. Or to impose sanctions or punishments based on your verdict. Unless you want your home to feel like a prison or a courtroom. This approach will drive you batty, and cause your kids to fight even more. And sadly, may damage their relationships beyond repair. Remember this simple phrase: Finding out who's RIGHT = More FIGHT Period. Your job as a parent is to ensure your children have a lifelong foundation of positive sibling relationships, and that they eventually learn how to fight fair and work out their conflicts. Your kids need each other. Forever and ever. And they will fight like cats and dogs. It's one of the best ways they learn. Accept that your kids will fight and that it's not your job to fix it. So... What DO you do then? Put them in the same boat. Read more about this tool here and here. You can start using this tool when your kids are babies, and all through the teen years. One of the families in my coaching practice tried out this tool recently and here's what they had to say: "putting the kids in the same boat has been working INCREDIBLY." She also focused on solutions, which includes having her eldest check in with and help the younger one after any upset. And bingo! Read these articles about Putting Your Kids in the Same Boat here and here. If you need support implementing this tool (it's not an easy one), schedule your 1 hour coaching session to get your plan in place. Your kids are always going to argue (it's how they learn), but you can put an end to debilitating sibling rivalry - and fighting that drives you crazy- once and for all. You got this. All the best, Megan p.s. Want to try out a transformative, results-driven coaching session? For this community + for a limited time only, schedule your 1-hour session in the Calm and Confident Parent Program for $99. Check out more about the program and parents' results here. Schedule your session here.
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I sat down with a bunch of kids
the other day, and they told me who's going to win the election, and when the world's going to end. Just joking. Kids are psychic, but not in that kind of way. Kids are psychic because they can read the emotions and thoughts of their parents. Since kids are wired to be connected to us - and they're literally growing their brains off of our brains- they are so closely attuned to us that science is officially saying.... Children are psychic in regard to their parents' emotions and thoughts. Crazy amazing! What does this mean for parents? If you are struggling as a parent, or with your child over a certain issue, take a breather. Recognize the current struggle you are having is designed to help you grow. The power of you is in holding what you DO want for your children ---rather than focusing on being worried, angry or frustrated with your kids (although that's often part of the process). I totally know: life gets stressful. Sometimes the negative takes over. If the negative is taking over, open up to what you need to have your needs met, and to feel good within. Then you can go forward with this formula (I highlighted each step in a free video series in my Facebook group here this week to celebrate my online program beginning tomorrow. If you're joining us~ welcome! To watch the videos, click here.) Here's a quick summary to maximize your children's psychic abilities, say goodbye to power struggles, and have more cooperation in your home: 1) Think about what you DO want your child to be doing, and tell them clearly and confidently. ie: Don't hit ----> Be gentle. Or hit the pillow. ie: Don't talk to me that way. -----> Talk respectfully, like "please mom can you help me ______." 2) Do a Connection Check. Do you feel connected to your best self, and the best in your children? If not, what can you do to get in that place? 3) Believe in them. Believe that whatever it is: they can do it! See it happening. Trust in them. (Parents call this magic precisely because children are psychic!) When you send the message of, "You can do it" to your children. They read the message, "I can do it." And very often, they do it! 4) Send the message of LOVE + RESPECT. What does your tone of voice sound like and your body language look like when you communicate from a place of love and respect for yourself, and love and respect for your children. Steps 1 to 4 may be straightforward, but it doesn't mean they're easy. Parenting is a practice, and an art form. When you get in that place and everything clicks with this new way of being, and parenting (and your needs are met as a parent) ---- your children will become more cooperative, and your home a more peaceful place. Promise. Why? Because children are psychic, and just vibing off of you. When you can harness the positive potential of your mind, they will follow you. Most importantly, be patience and compassionate with you, and your process. Because positive parenting takes time and practice. You got this. All the best, Megan Connection equals Cooperation
is one of the foundations of Positive Discipline. To bring this concept alive, I often share this symbol with parents. Have you ever worked for a boss you couldn't stand? Or who couldn't stand you? How motivated are you to "do your best?" And if you are motivated to do your best, is it out of fear or resentment? As parents, we have the power of being BOSS in our children's lives. When the connection to our children is smooth and strong, parents find that cooperation comes naturally. But it's not that simple. Because our children do stuff that drives us crazy. Their behavior triggers us. We may begin to resent them, or at least their behavior. And many of us are majorly stressed out by life in ways that have nothing to do with our kids. What to do? Honor that Connection = Cooperation for all human beings, especially our children because they're wired to connect with us. If you are short on Connection with your children, that's a sign to foster Connection with yourself. Time to do something nurturing for yourself! For our children, Connection equals a combo of: 1) Quality, Child-Led Time with our Kids and 2) Responding in ways to our children's behavior that sends the message of trust, love, and teaches them life skills. Sounds simple. But it can be hard implement! In The Parenting for the Next Generation Online Program, we work directly with the obstacles to Connection in your home. So you can build a foundation of Connection from within that you're naturally able to share with your children. The next session of the online program begins this Monday, 10/17. Click here to learn more about joining us to Unlock Your Parenting POWER and have more Connection = Cooperation in your home. All of us have wondered, at one time or another, "Is this normal?" about our children's behavior. I want to help ease your mind, so you can ease up on your kids. Even tho parenting is wayyyy hard --- you're here to ENJOY your kids and help them LEARN, which includes helping them to reach all their developmental milestones. So they can grow into happy + healthy adults --- and in the process, you can give yourself what may have been missing from your own childhood. This is the POWER of parenting, and why parenting is the most healing thing in the whole wide world. If you're wondering, "Is this normal?" about your child's behavior, the vast majority of the time, children's challenging behavior BEGINS as normal developmental exploration so they can LEARN. But, here's the serious part.
If you respond with anger or high frustration to your child's developmentally appropriate behavior you can TURN the developmentally appropriate behavior into misbehavior. And very sadly, The #1 reason children are punished is for developmentally appropriate behavior. And, even scarier: parents not understanding what is developmentally appropriate behavior is one of the leading causes of child abuse. In other words, our children are acting in ways determined by their very biology to explore their world and learn life skills. AND THEN THEY ARE PUNISHED. It's like punishing our children for breathing or having a heartbeat. EXCEPT, that this developmentally- appropriate behavior is WAY annoying, may drive us crazy, and trigger the ways we were punished for the same behavior as kids. Please, please, please know that children can do the most annoying, infuriating things from an adult perspective. I get it! And I also get that most of us adults don't get kids the way we're supposed to. It is NOT a character fault if you don't get your children's behavior. It simply means: 1) You don't have a background in child development, which most parents don't unless you work in education, social work, etc. OR 2) The parenting village is lost, and lacking peer support and elders you trust, you literally don't know what's normal or how to handle developmentally-appropriate "mis"behavior. OR 3) Your parents didn't know how to support your developmental behaviors, growth, & milestones, or they were too stressed out to support you --- which is a whole lot of us. OR 4) You're way stressed out, and your patience and empathy are shot-- which is also of whole lot of us. If you identify with 1), 2), 3), or 4) above {or all 4}, feel totally perplexed with your children's behavior, find yourself getting punitive, or punishing, and then feel bad about it ---here's what you can do. * Talk to other parents you trust and respect, with children the same age. I remember when my son was 4 and I was like, "This is crazy. He's so hyper, he's like a puppy." Then we got together with our friends with other 4 year old boys--- and I realized,"Oh phew, they ARE like puppies at this age- at least part of the day." I can't stress enough the POWER of your PARENTING COMMUNITY to act as a barometer of what's "normal" and what may not be. * If you don't have a parenting community you love, find one in the virtual world. Hop into my positive parenting community, join this one, or do a quick search of one you connect with. * Learn about each developmental stage of life skills your children are working on mastering. Each age comes with developmentally-appropriate exploration that can look like misbehavior. It's normal behavior, and also can be really annoying. Here's some articles about developmentally appropriate behavior, so you know what's normal. Punishing kids for being kids--- is the #1 way to CREATE misbehavior as a parent. * Check out the developmentally-appropriate behavior by age in this article, which provides a good basic over-view. * This article is for 5 years and younger, including how to manage your expectations by age. * A Positive Discipline perspective on misbehavior for preschoolers, but can be applied to all ages. * Aha! Parenting has the best database of articles by children's ages and stages. Check out these articles, and stay tuned for my next post answering the question: "I know this is normal behavior, but what the heck do I DO?" I know you love your children, and you want to do the best you can by them. Please, please, please educate yourself and get the support you need --- so you can feel more relaxed + confident as a parent, and enjoy those sweet children of yours. You deserve it, so do your children --- and the future of humanity depends upon it. Let me know if you have questions, are worried about your children's behavior, or simply don't know what to do. We're here to support and uplift one another. You got this. All the best, Megan p.s. My goal is to give you the parenting foundation you need to raise children who thrive NOW. The time and financial resources you invest TODAY will save your family thousands in future therapy. Please check out my online program beginning next week. Don't go on any longer without the support you need. Early bird reg is extended through this Wednesday. Access the community and tools you need to transform the developmentally appropriate "mis"behavior that is driving you crazy, and have more CONNECTION + COOPERATION in your home. Click here for more info + to register. I don't know about you,
but I think I lost my rose-colored glasses, or they don't work anymore. Like there's something missing to the whole "create the life you want" thing. And this week, it clicked. The missing piece. You can work to create the life you want. And life can still be hard. People lose their jobs, get sick, pass away. People live through genocide, domestic violence, and child abuse. We live in a racist world. We lock our keys in the car. Forget to pay a bill. Our kids don't get enough sleep. They can't stand what we make for dinner. People are starving on the planet. This is life, people. It's not a Facebook post. It's real life. And it can get real messy. Injustices happen. Oppression is real. You are real. You've got a kaleidoscope of life experiences that makes you, you. So honor you, all of you. For that's the missing piece. To know, and to teach your kids, that part of life is it's messiness. The injustices and the pain. We don't have to weigh them down, with the weight of the world. But "that's not fair" is absolutely correct. And it's how we handle the injustices in life that count, and the process it can take to find your peace. In our children's world, they feel it. They're working with these lessons on a small (and sometimes big) scale everyday. That life isn't always fair. So how can we teach them to honor that? And what are the lessons they can learn from the hard times? What can they do when things in life aren't fair to make it a little more right? How can they find their peace? Big questions. (Remember it's best to do this type of teaching about injustices and fairness when things have returned to a calm "normal." No point in telling a hysterical child who can't find her favorite toy, all that she's learning from this moment, or it's all about her perspective.) The missing piece is life can be hard, and is hard, AND we can still work to create the life we want. This is the life that takes courage. Courage to get through. And courage to try again. The life that doesn't come with rose colored glasses, but is beautiful and amazing nonetheless. What's your view about the hard stuff in life? And how will you model and teach that to your children? You got this, even when it's hard. Have a wonderful week. All the best, Megan p.s. This is the kind of work we do in Parenting for the Next Generation--- work with the hard stuff in life, like temper tantrums and power struggle---- so you & your children come out stronger on the other side! Early bird registration is ending this week. Classes begin October 17th. Join us to unlock your parenting POWER and create a foundation you LOVE! Click here for more info and to register. |
Mama Megan
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family! Archives
May 2021
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