Solution - Focused"Most consequences are poorly disguised punishments." ~ Positive Discipline No judgement of any of us (myself included!) but I would have to agree. In Positive Discipline, we switch the focus from consequences to solutions. Because there's no need to "burn to learn." Learning does NOT have to be painful. Learning can be fun, exciting, loving and respectful! As you work with your children - to shift from consequences to solutions and teaching life skills - you're developing the next generation of world leaders and problems solvers, while modeling democracy in your home or classroom. It's SO exciting, this solutions stuff! Punishments are so 1990's. Consequences are so 2000's. Solutions are so 2020. :) Solutions are the work of parenting TODAY and into the FUTURE. And PROBLEM SOLVING is the pathway to solutions in your family. Problem Solving 101STEP #1: Problem Solve in a Calm + Connected Moment.Problem Solving does NOT happen in the moment the problem is happening. Why? Because you or your children (or both!) are stressed and/or triggered. The MAGIC happens when you circle back around to the problem in a calm connected moment later that day, the next day, or even the next week. STEP #2: Be Neutral and Use Noticing.This might be the hardest part. Get into a 100% judgement free place where there is no right or wrong. Maybe you messed up? Maybe your kids did? Maybe you feel like there is NO solution and NO common ground? Well, instead of all that.... Everything.... Just..... IS. When you empty out of judgement and/or control, you enter into this MOST amazing zone. It's called possibility. Get into a neutral - no good, no bad - just is and judgement free place. Think bird's eye view and seeing the big picture. Or pretend it's not you in the situation, but a friend. We talked about this last week in just wondering and getting curious. Do what you can to neutralize any negative response to the problem, and BE NEUTRAL - or at least give it your best shot. :) (Stay in your open-minded, judgement free, everything is possible place of existence.) STEP #3: Brainstorm all Possible Solutions.Stay in your open-minded, judgement free, everything is possible place. Sit down with your children and write down every.single.solution to the problem you and your kids can think of. Let yourself go from any right or wrong here. Your kids say something outlandish? Write it down. Someone says a punishment, not a solution? Write it down. ANYTHING GOES. This is simply the idea generating stage. The more ideas, the better. Don't pass any commentary on the generated ideas or evaluating whether they would work or not. Write every idea down until your family is fresh out of ideas. (Stay in your open-minded, judgement free, everything is possible place of existence.) STEP #4: Find the Mutually Agreeable Solution.Parents usually think it won't be possible to find a solution both you and your children agree upon. And it's usually easier than you think! When children aren't judged or shut down, they can connect with the inherent wisdom within themselves. And often they come up with better ideas than us grown-ups! To engage this positive and collaborative decision-making, use questions and languages like: "What do you think is the best idea here?" "Do you think that would really work? Be honest and let me know..." "That's a great kid idea. But, what would happen when..." "How about if we try a little of this and some of that?" This is your time to model how to have a real-live discussion and problem solving conversation. Show up for your kids like you're at a team meeting for work. Model supporting one another, deep listening, and trusting you're both on the same page. Find your mutually-agreeable solution. Write out what your family decided upon as your solution to this problem. (And for some reason, if it's not happening - take a break and let your family "team" know that you came up with some wonderful ideas. You can always come back to the agreement at a later time. But do, stay in your open-minded, judgement free, everything is possible place of existence.) STEP #5: Practice your Plan as a Fun Game.Take your mutually-agreeable solution and practice it as a fun game. The brain doesn't know the difference between practice and the real thing, so solidify your solution and create those positive neural pathways by acting out the solution regularly as a fun game and then prepping for success with lots of reminders about your solution. I hope you enjoyed this Problem Solving Model breakdown. Hit reply with any questions. I literally use bits and pieces from this model every.single.day as a mom and teacher. Solutions are so 2020 as we build our next generation of world leaders! You Got This Solutions and Problem Solving.
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Mama Megan
Hi friends, I write from the heart to tell my life story, and the story of those in my neighborhood called life. Research shows that our children's emotional & mental health is contingent upon us parents being able to tell our life story, or "coherent narrative." This is my coherent narrative, my life story in the making, with some of what I love in life too. My goal is to share my life in a way that is real, uplifting & positive- sometimes serious, sometimes fun. In my practice, I inspire parents to empowerment through reclaiming our life stories and learning respectful discipline. My work is my offering to our children- our future. Wishing you all a happy family! Archives
May 2021
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